Elves found boys' behavior improved by 117% when given last year's game system and the girly game they won't get caught dead playing.
Elves discovered they could save money and better encourage kids to behave throughout the year by replacing coal with old PCs.
The North Pole's annual Christmas in July celebration has been replaced with Get Your Own Gift in honor of Santa's last wishes.
Wee People reports Candystack, head elf, has been sent to a rehab facility after being found tossed on mint cookies on Tim Allen's doorstep.
Santa's death has yet to settle down in the North. Scar, of Pridelands, Africa, denies any involvement, but Donner insists provocation.
Desperate to keep the North Pole out of economic collapse after Santa's death, Christmas elves have added a "red light district" to downtown.
Caribou herds have lost their life's purpose tonight with the death of Santa Claus, causing a series of animal suicides and forest fires.
With global warming taking over the North Pole, elves suggest, screw sentiment. We can make toys in California.
With the economy still at a desperate low, north pole elves ask the question: why do these idiot kids still want ipods?
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